I wish You were closer. I wish that we talked more. I wish that this life didn’t strain our relationship. I wish that I trusted Your plan more. I have so many questions for You, most of which I suppose You will never be able to answer the way I want You to. Telling others I’ll talk to You for them feels like such an empty phrase lately. And You being you, You know that’s true.
But then You pull through. Just last week I asked for Your help and You granted it. It may have taken 9 weeks, but You seemed to listen to me about that young women who is so dear to me, too. And the other dear one with the recent broken heart. Yes, yes, maybe You did bring them the peace I asked for, the love I requested. That had to have been You, right?
Though no matter how much I talk to You, You don’t seem to listen to me when it comes to him. Maybe I don’t talk to You about him all that much though. You know how I’ve always avoided it – the pain is too much but it sits on my shoulder, causing my shoulders to hunch over and the corners of my mouth to turn down. Tears form at childhood scenes and one word floods my mind: “Why?” One question, pestering and festering like an illness without a cure. I hear it from her, too. He caused her pain, too, after all, and that question fills her mind with a never-lifting fog. I guess I’m not the only one who is sitting here with scars, however much they may have healed yet ache when the memories flood.
Can I come talk to You? Will You listen? Maybe it’s up for me to listen, to open my ears and accept Your Word and Your love. Will You bring me the comfort I need, the peace that I seek for concerns for the future? Will You protect my heart? That’s what I need most – for You to protect my heart. It’s at such a risk for breaking and shattering and coming undone. From splitting open and never being mended.
So, will You.